i have somehow
managed to lose
my voice....
not the physical
one, the inner
musings of my heart
that voice, well it’s
gone on hiatus
maybe in the loss
of my muse, pain
i’ve been left with
no voice, just an
empty void shelling
out blips of positivity
my new found friend
optimism, i guess
she can stay around
but my voice, i need
her back, to live again
through these words
and on page after page
i need that voice to
come back and visit
somedays i wonder
if i will know forever
not the one we’ve
been sold on grocery
store tabloids, or the
stories our grandmother
tells us about as she
celebrates the golden
anniversary, with tears
in her eyes because
she stayed with a man
that wouldn’t know love
if it knocked him square
in the eye, no i wanna
know the kind of forever that
you discover anew with
each day, the kind of
forever that teaches you
with each new line on
your lovers face, a
secret unfolds, a bit
of your heart grows
every day you fall
more in love with the
flaws and the beauty
and the tender
touch of her hand,
the kiss of her lips
on your neck, just
so. no i don’t want the pretty
forever all wrapped in a bow
neat and proper, i want the real
forever, the messy one with
heartbreak and joy, passion
that is endless in it’s ever
changing infiniteness.
driving to work
on a saturday
morn, i pass
my former life
sitting in the
coffee shop,
they all laugh
and talk about
the weeks events
and i leave it all
behind, over and
over again, it’s
like a sharp object
to the gut, this guilt,
this pain of the former
life i once lived.
but it feels right, as
i enter my office
taking my choices
one day at a time
i feel real for the
first time and
i do it for me
and i know that
one day this
will all be a distant
memory, those
early days of pain
and regret.
