Thursday, February 21, 2008

Read, Write Poem prompt

sorrow

the day the sky was gray
my heart stopped beating
no longer would I have
control over my thoughts
the day the sky was gray


the day the sky was gray
the song stopped playing
and the world around us began.
a universe in which
only you and I exist--
the day the sky was gray


the day the sky was gray
our minds became one
our thoughts like the sun
shines on blades of grass
the day the sky was gray


the day the sky was gray
I began to drown
in a river of longing
for a time to be with you
the day the sky was gray

10 comments:

UL said...

gray skies does have its attractions, hey? Lovely.

Crafty Green Poet said...

the repitition of the grey skies really sets the mood in this

gautami tripathy said...

It reads like a song becos of the repetition lines.

coiled and cocooned

Leigh Lear said...

thanks, i wasn't sure about the repitition.

Richard said...

The repetition is lovely, and drew the poem around me.

Linda said...

I like the contrast here between the gray skies and your emotions!

paisley said...

i so believe in the use of repetition,, for exactly this reason,,, it keeps bringing the reader home... this was lovely....

anthonynorth said...

The repetition wraps you up in it, like a blanket. Comfy.

writerwoman said...

Is this a certain form?

The way you set it up is interesting. The repetion mesmerizing.

Leigh Lear said...

thanks
writerwoman, to my knowledge, it's not a form, i just liked the way it flowed.